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my secret life

July 25, 2005

In an effort to try and write down the effects of growing up with parents, I have to begin with the old me.

I was open at times, particularly in speaking publicly about how my home life (growing up) was way less than desirable. I used it as an example, as a connecting point, but never as a wound. I had developed the coping mechanisms to deflect the pain I experienced as a child. I could answer any questions about my parents. I was seen by my family as the one who came out best. Somehow unscaved. Healthy. It was not really true.

Like a minister hiding secret sins, I looked the part but I was damaged goods. My dear wife suffered because of it. The sins of my parents made her marriage less than it should have been.

Our marriage had its ups and downs, we had clawed our way through the first few years and one day I realized she didn’t love me. I was desperate (mostly fear of abandonment) so God provided Joe Beam and then Terry Northcut and we became facilitators for His Needs / Her Needs. Even deacon for family life. Things were better…. Years later… still not completely intimate.

Kim as I have mentioned was suffering from Depression and last year while I was at camp things went south. Her sister called me, VERY WORRIED.

This was one year ago. What unfolded next was not what I was prepared for.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 25, 2005 1:49 pm

    Oh wow! Your story sort of sounds a lot like mine.
    I don’t know why my parents generation was so good at putting up a facade and playing the part so well?

    Looking forward to hearing more.

  2. July 25, 2005 10:05 pm

    Having just arrived home from two weeks out in Abilene with my mom and family, I can really identify with what you’ve been writing about the past few posts, Tommy. It was a good visit, but painful for me (under the surface) in many ways, too, because it brings up a lot of things about my growing up period of life that I these days mostly put out of my mind, (which is for the good over all).

    I think you can help many people, though, in telling your growing up story of your struggles to become a “whole” person. And we will be with you here all the way. We understand.

  3. February 6, 2006 12:50 pm

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