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Cars and Islands repaired

May 9, 2006

This is possibly my favorite of these photos. There are 4 people in the photo. Apparently these two women are having their car worked on by the man and boy looking on.

I have always enjoyed garages. That's what we called them growing up. For one thing I have always loved cars. My mother said I used to make motor sounds second only to my first word which was ball.

When I was driving age I spend many hours hanging out at a local body shop. The owner had done some work for me and I never left. He was a good friend to me. He was also the best drag racer I have ever seen. His reaction times were perfect, better than many pro's.

At a time when my relationship with my father was non-existent. In part due to my father's actions, in part due to my mother's attempts to poison our relationship, in part due to me being a teenage boy struggling to find a way to be a man. This friend gave me some sage advice one day. He told me that life was too short not to be speaking to your father. He knew, the man who had been his father for most of his life at that point was not his birth father. His birth father had died years before. He told me that in a way that a friend does. When its something really serious they have to say. There was no need to argue or explain or rationalize.

He helped me in more ways than even I realize. But I am sure that he knows that he offered friendship to me. I know how body work is supposed to be done thanks to him but more importantly I learned that not communicating doesn't help relationships. Life is too short. I was reminded of that again today at lunch. I can be quite a recluse at times. Independent to a fault. My father says now that "No man is an island", he learned that the hard way.

Unfortunately he and my mother did there dead level best to turn me into one.

I have to be reminded from time to time, that I need to communicate what is going one in my little brain. That I do have feelings and need to share them with the people I love.

So from a friend to you reading, "Life's too short for you not to talk".

4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 9, 2006 3:22 pm

    Wow, those are some amazing photos. Times were tougher then but somehow they produced values that we seem to be losing.

    Hmmm, I sound like my grandfather! 🙂

  2. May 9, 2006 6:11 pm

    I’ve been reading your posts daily, Tommy, but have been remiss (read that because of depressed) in not commenting as much as usual the past few days. But, I’ve been reading and even recommended your blog and current posts (especially the one yesterday) over at Danny Sims’ blog earlier this afternoon.

    I’m much better today after about a week of mulling over my current condition/situation/malady – whatever. So I’m glad to be back here “talking” with you.

    This is a good post, too, kiddo. And one I completely understand and agree with.

    I went several years as a child and teenager barely speaking to my dad at all. Not only that, I had very hard feelings toward him and thought (at the time, because of my hurt) that I hated him and even told some of my friends that. I came to deeply regret that later on, after I became an adult and mature enough to realize I didn’t hate him at all, but felt isolated and was unaware of all of his own problems growing up and in trying to be a young father.

    A while later in my adult life I came to have a very close, deeply loving relationship with my dad, which I credit in great part to Tom, the bringer of so many good gifts to my life. The last eight years of my dad’s life were wonderfully amazing in their brightness in my life – and Tom’s.

    Because of how I was as a child and teen and how isolated I felt, I’ve ever since been a big advocate of communication between people. Spouses, parents and children, church members, friends. All of those significant in our lives.

    That was one of the reasons I ended up getting an undergraduate degree in Communication. I believe in it, I wanted to learn a lot more about it and how to use it and “do” it more effectively, how to listen and speak and write and motivate and encourage.

    I figured (and still do) that if I (all of us) could communicate effectively, I could do well in just about any field of endeavor or work I was engaged in. Especially as a Christian.

    I won’t let things go when differences come up and occur. I won’t drop things in an uneasy state without resolution. Very rarely will I not keep pursuing communication until matters are resolved. Some take a lot longer to resolve than others, admittedly, but I want to be working on them.

    Tom sometimes think I go too far, that I won’t let go and let things be and he may be right. For one thing, you guys don’t always seem wired for “lots” of communication and tend to shut down when “overloaded.” ha! I recognize that and understand it and know there comes a time when talking should cease and let time take care of things and just move one. Forgeddaboutit.

    But you are absolutely right that you need to -must, I think, to be mentally and emotionally healthy – communicate feelings and what’s going on in your brain, little or otherwise (and you certainly don’t have a little brain, Tommy!!).

    It takes some time and effort and sometimes sitting in silence for a while (Ray Fleming’s been posting about that the past few days over at The New Freedom Sanction and I’ve been commenting a lot over there on the subject, so you might want to check out the comments, too. I’d urge you all to start reading Ray’s blog – it’s very rewarding and intersting and way too little read).

    Good post, Tommy. Very insightful. Good work! Now just talk with others about all of these things, beginning with Kim and your boys and your family, as well as write to us about them.


  3. May 9, 2006 7:32 pm

    It is rare indeed when you find someone you can really “talk” to. Thanks for being that for me!

  4. May 10, 2006 12:36 pm

    (Thanks for the BD wishes… I was out of commission yesterday with a huge sinus headache brought on by the storm that knocked out power here all morning! Just getting caught up on bloglife now!)

    I LOVE THIS POST! I think blogging has served you well for this purpose alone! Albeit a more subtle way of putting yourself out there, still very real. Keep on keeping on, friend!

    Have you ever seen “About A Boy”? It’s another keeper of a flick in my book. The main character boasts about being an island man and that these are island times (technology has given us everything we need to live island lives without really interacting with people). But through the course of the movie, he is impacted by a boy and several situations that can’t help but leave him different. At the end of the movie, he says:

    (character Will): Every man is an island. I stand by that. But clearly some men are island CHAINS. Underneath, they are connected…

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