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The Three reasons for everything

March 9, 2007


Regarding folks leaving churches:

Not all leave because of feeling too sexy, not all leave because they are immature and don’t want meat or for that matter because the do want meat. There are too many complex reasons for people leaving churches. For us to sum it up in a couple of nice clean reasons is such an modern ideal that it makes me wonder if that is why so many don’t get it.

The it I am talking about is the culture around us. That culture (increasingly) doesn’t see things in terms of a few nice clean points. They see thing as complex and yes pluralistic. But they are willing for the most part to accept that there are things with no nice answer. Some things are a mystery.

If you are interested (if you are involved in church leadership you really should) look at This Site. It is a site where people share their open letter of why they have left a church or church all together.

I am sure many folks move from one place to another for immature reasons.  Some leave over hurt feelings and some leave due to changes in their theology that are not met with acceptance or require them to move elsewhere.   But there are many other reasons.

It seems that some are quick to condemn because of what seems like defense of their turf.  Which brings up another thought.  Lee Hodges commented the other day about churches and debt.  It seems that any church which chooses to go into debt (some for huge amounts) become slave to the lender.  Those churches leaders have an extremely hard task of not making decisions based on the effect that will have on cash flow.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2007 12:09 pm

    While the Church is not a democracy, folks still vote…with their feet. The sad part if that many of them were hurting, seeking, longing to be with others who cared and because no one heard their cries…they left. Until we rid out minds of our institutional mind set, and come together to give instead of get, to feed as well as be fed nothing will change.

  2. March 9, 2007 12:09 pm

    I’m considering leaving the church here because I’m too sexy. They can’t handle me! ha!


  3. March 9, 2007 12:19 pm

    Dee, do you think they will put that in the bulletin? I’ve been naked in that church building. How’s that for a comment.

  4. March 9, 2007 12:34 pm

    LOL Dee!

    Tommy, I am familiar with the site you mentioned- and it breaks my heart. But I understand.

    Blessings to you brother.

  5. March 9, 2007 2:17 pm

    I enjoyed reading the book “Dear Church”–the author makes some interesting points–one of which was–“the church is not the hope of the world, Jesus is”. The best part of the whole book is her chapter on forgiveness–it was excellent. From where I sit there’s a lot of disillusioned people with the *church*–and yes, I think some of them are just too sexy for their church ;-).

  6. March 9, 2007 2:51 pm

    Thanks for the links and the thoughts. If people don’t leave Christ should we worry?

  7. March 9, 2007 6:07 pm

    I am afraid I have said something hurtful to you, Tommy – and if I’m right, I’m truly and deeply sorry.

    The truth is, I still feel a bit guilty and very sad about leaving a church ten years ago. In retrospect, I still think it was the wise decision for my family as well as myself. At the time, I don’t think I was sufficiently gifted to help that church recover its focus on Christ.

    But I didn’t even think about that at the time. I was just miserable; I knew Angi was too and I wanted my family to be elsewhere.

    Don’t let me project my failure onto the situation of anyone else; they’re all different. On David’s blog, I should have just said “There is no one right answer to the question of whether to stay or whether to go,” and left it at that.

    Please forgive me.

  8. March 9, 2007 9:24 pm

    There is no way to package up neatly all of the raw emotions that go into such a decision. And maybe I am somewhat envious of a “clear cut” reason. But some times your heart just won’t let you stay.

  9. March 11, 2007 11:43 pm

    Years back when I was in the leadership at the North Atlanta church we did ‘exit’ interviews as to why members left our church. The number one recurring factor was that the women/wife had NOT established meaningful relationships with other women in the congregation! Was a real eye opener and dispelled alot of speculation and misinformation.

    Perhaps more churches would get to the ‘root’ causes of why people leave if they had an ‘exit interview ministry’!? That is….if they really want to know!

    My young daughter (10) wants me to worship somewhere else because “Dad it’s boring!” ….Hey, exit poll #1 for where I am!!!

  10. March 29, 2007 11:59 pm

    Just now getting back here to see Carl’s comment. WOW. I have to say that the whole relationship thing is what has led my husband and I to look for a new place to worship. But it isn’t just for me, it’s for him as well. And for my children.

  11. April 3, 2009 10:57 am

    Love the cartoon. I need that T-shirt.

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